The Hardest Start, the Strongest Girl
Matt and I were so naive. We were young, knew nothing about adoption, and knew nothing about raising a child in general. As we sat there in the NICU with our new baby girl, all we knew was that we were going to love this baby with everything we had, and we were so grateful God had chosen us to be her mom and dad. One of the most precious things I remember during that time was how she loved to wrap her little hand around Matt’s finger. Daddy’s girl from day one.
I wish I could say that those first few days with her were all sweetness and joy, but in reality, we were in store for 13 days of being bombarded with new, terrifying information.
Born Fighting
One of the first pieces of upsetting news we received was that Kayleigh was going through withdrawals. Her birth mother had been doing drugs for the first four months of her pregnancy. It was at that point that she got arrested. The doctors at the jail determined that it was safer for her and the baby to put her on methadone rather than allow her to withdraw, which would put both their lives at risk.
Up until this point, no one had informed us of any of this. We had been in constant communication with the birth mother, but she never shared this information. We also found out that she smoked throughout her pregnancy, so Kayleigh was born addicted to methadone and nicotine.
Our brave and strong girl would proceed to suffer from withdrawal symptoms for the entire first month of her life. She was a fighter from the very beginning.
When Loving Her Meant Watching Her Hurt
There were several symptoms that she had to battle. First, she was losing weight. That was the biggest issue that kept her in the NICU. They ended up putting her on high-calorie formula, which we continued for weeks after bringing her home.
She also had problems with her blood pressure and heart. For months after her birth, she was on blood pressure medicine and seeing several doctors. I cannot even tell you how many times that poor baby was pricked in the first month of her life.
Kayleigh also had jaundice and had to stay under the bilirubin light for several days. In addition, she had frequent episodes of pain and inconsolable crying that lasted for hours at a time. Her withdrawals lasted about a month.
For the first 30 days of her life, all she did was suffer and fight, and all we could do was love her, care for her, and bring her as much comfort as possible.
The 5% Chance
Each day she was in the NICU, we would wake up early and make the hour-long drive down to the hospital in Atlanta. We sat with her all day, only leaving to get food before returning right away. We stayed every day until visiting hours were over. We held her, fed her, and cared for her every chance we got.
One day, while we were sitting in the rocking chairs next to her bed, Matt saw her medical chart sitting nearby. We had been in the NICU for several days, and although she was showing improvement, the doctor still wouldn’t release her. We were growing a little frustrated, so Matt decided to look at the chart to see if there was any indication of when she might be able to come home.
Instead, what he found was more information we didn’t know—information that was serious and life-threatening for Kayleigh. And no one had told us.
As Matt was looking at the file, a nurse came by and took it from him and explained that we were not allowed to look through the file because in addition to Kayleigh’s medical information, there was also medical information about the birth mother that they were not legally able to share. But it was too late, we already knew.
Her birth mother had Hepatitis C.
No one would answer any of our questions because this was information that we were not supposed to know, so we quickly got on our phones and started doing research. We found out that there was less than a 5% chance that Kayleigh would contract Hep C from her birth mother in the womb. Whew - those seemed like good odds. But, what if she was in the 5%?
At this time, Hep C was nearly a death sentence. There was very little information about it, most who had it suffered greatly, there was no cure or vaccine, and there was ZERO credible research on how it might manifest in an infant who contracted it from their birth mother.
Later that day, a sweet older nurse came to us. In a soft but firm voice, she said, “I can lose my job for this, but I cannot in good conscience keep quiet.” This kind soul confirmed what we had seen in the medical chart and explained that it was very important to get the birth mother to sign a release allowing the team to share her medical information with us. Once we obtained her permission, the doctors explained that we would not be able to test Kayleigh for Hep C until she was 18 months old. They needed to ensure that all of the birth mother’s antibodies were out of Kayleigh’s system before testing her.
So, for 18 months, we lived with that uncertainty—waiting for the day we would finally know if Kayleigh fell into that 5%. (More on this in a later post.)
Matt and I were so naive. We knew nothing about jaundice, methadone, withdrawals in babies, high blood pressure in babies, cardiologists for babies, high-calorie formula, or Hepatitis C in babies. And while we may have gained some head knowledge about these things in that first month, we had no idea the massive part some of these things would play in ours and Kayleigh’s lives - some of them continuing all the way up until October 4th, 2025.
But I think that may be one of the reasons God chose us. He knew that He needed a couple who were ready and willing to obey his call to take this baby in as their own, who wouldn’t run away when all the scary information was dropped on them in Kayleigh’s NICU days, but also who were naive enough to not be overwhelmed by it all.
It was our naivety that protected us. Had we known then all that we know now, all that would come from those early discoveries, we would have been crushed with fear and sorrow. But it was by His grace that we didn’t have a full and complete understanding of it all. He knew that was not what we needed at that point.
All we needed was His grace to keep taking the next step forward, and His love and strength to love our girl unconditionally.