When Fear Ended in Faith

On December 8th, 2009, we brought our beautiful new baby girl home from the hospital. She was still on high-calorie formula and blood pressure medicine, and as I mentioned in my last post, her withdrawals were far from over.  But, things continued to improve overall with her health, and it was such a joy to celebrate our first Christmas and New Years as a family of three. While she brought so much joy into our lives, the next two years would be ones of great fear for us.  This fear centered mainly around three things: pregnancy loss, adoption complications, and waiting for her to turn 18 months old so we could see if she had Hepatitis C. 

 

Pregnancy Loss

 

After Kayleigh entered into our family, we continued to try to have another baby.  I got pregnant a second time in early 2010, but this pregnancy, too, ended in devastating loss. And this time, it brought along complications that led to me being hospitalized. Then, a third pregnancy a couple of months later, once again ending in loss. Each pregnancy made our fear of loss grow more and more. We went to all the doctors and went through all the testing, but everything kept coming back “normal.”  No one could figure out why this kept happening. 

 

In a last-ditch effort, my doctor decided that if I got pregnant a fourth time, I would take blood-thinning shots daily during the pregnancy to see if that worked. It was the very definition of a “Hail Mary.”  There was no indication that it was needed, but maybe it would work? Matt and I decided at that point that if we suffered another loss, we would stop trying and pursue another adoption. After all, adoption had already been a huge blessing in our lives; why not do it again? 

 

In October of 2010, I got pregnant a fourth time and began taking the shots daily. When I was about 8 weeks along, I started having symptoms of another miscarriage. I remember going outside, sitting in my car in the driveway, and just begging God for peace and joy.  We had been living in a cycle of fear and loss for almost 2 years, and whatever came next, I just wanted God to give me peace and joy that surpassed all reason. This is one of those moments in my life when God so clearly and powerfully answered my prayer that I still think about it often to this day.  This huge wave of peace came over me. My tears ceased, and I had been given the grace I needed to get out of the car and take the next step.  

 

To Him be the glory -  that pregnancy did not end in loss. And I I can confidently say that I walked through every single day of that pregnancy without fear, all because I finally surrendered the situation to the One who was ultimately in control anyway. 

 

The story had a sort of dramatic conclusion, though. I was due July 14, 2011.  At the time, my husband was the student pastor at the church we grew up at, and in June of 2011, we planned to take the students to camp in Jekyll Island, GA. My doctor gave me the go-ahead to attend camp, with the caveat that I needed to take it easy and listen to my body.  The big joke became “Kristen is going to have her baby at camp! Ha Ha Ha” 

 

Well, Kristen DID end up having her baby at camp.  

 

I started having some concerning symptoms and called my doctor, who advised me to go to the hospital and just get checked out.  From the time I walked into the hospital to the time Jaxon Wayne Callahan was born was approximately 30 minutes.  He was born a month early, via emergency C-section. But I can honestly say that I did not fear for even one moment throughout it all. Not because I am great or my faith was that strong, but because my God, in His overwhelming grace and mercy, made a way for me to have peace in Him. Had I waited any longer to go to the hospital, both our lives could have ended. But the One who was in control protected us and guided my steps. He is so good. 

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Adoption Complications

 

We received custody and temporary guardianship over Kayleigh the day after she was born.  But we still had to go through all the legal steps to become her legal parents and finalize the adoption.  This was such a unique adoption situation, and as I have mentioned before, we knew nothing about adoption. We knew it was a somewhat slow process - most legal things are, but we had no idea that it would take two and a half years to officially make Kayleigh, “Kayleigh Callahan.” And those two and a half years were filled with - you guessed it - fear. Mostly fear of losing her.  Fear that her birth mother or her birth mother’s family would change their mind and want her back. Fear that her birth father would enter the picture and try to take her. Fear that the social worker would not approve our home study. Fear that the judge would deny our adoption. Fear that the Pakistani consulate would get involved and she would be taken away from us. Yea, you read that right. It was a wild ride. 

 

Much like our days in the hospital with Kayleigh, this time was filled with surprising new information. In an adoption, both birth parents must surrender their parental rights.  Kayleigh’s birth mom surrendered her rights the day after she was born, so now we just need the birth father to surrender his rights. That is when we learned that Kayleigh actually had two fathers: A biological father and a legal father. 

 

Her birth mother gave us a name and the possible location of the biological father.  First, we had to run newspaper articles in several newspapers in that area to try to “give notice” to him that he fathered a baby that was now in the adoption process. We even had to hire a private investigator to try to locate this man. Nothing came of the articles, and the investigator found no one in Georgia who met the name, age, and description of the man she said was the father. It turns out she had given us a fake name. So, we had to run more newspaper articles in newspapers that covered a wider population in an effort to “give notice.” Fear of some random man coming out of nowhere and claiming rights to Kayleigh continued until finally the birth mother agreed to sign an affidavit saying she actually did not know who the birth father was, and the judge agreed that due diligence had been done. The biological father’s rights were terminated.  

 

But we weren’t done. 

 

We then found out that the birth mother was married.  They had been separated for many years but never divorced, so this man also had rights to Kayleigh. She provided us with his name and a possible location where he might be living, and the private investigator began trying to locate him. Newspaper articles were also published in that location, and papers were delivered to his last known address.  Only, he did not live there anymore.  That is when we were told he may have gone back to Pakistan, where he was a citizen. Our lawyer told us that the judge may want us to get the Pakistani consulate involved to track him down and let him know about his rights to this baby. She even went as far as to tell us that Kayleigh may have to go to DFCS until this was all sorted out.  

 

I remember that phone call clearly.  I had just lost our second baby, and now I was being told I may lose Kayleigh too.  I held her and rocked her and sobbed.  The fear was overwhelming. 

 

But like most fear, it proved to be for nothing.  We were able to locate him in Virginia, not Pakistan, and he willingly surrendered his rights. It was a long two and a half years.

 

On May 6th, 2012, Kayleigh Grace Callahan became 100% legally ours. That day had been ordained by God before she was even formed. He had the whole situation in control, even when it felt so completely chaotic and unpredictable. We celebrated that day every year in remembrance of His blessing. 

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Hepatitis C

 

I shared in my last post that Kayleigh’s birth mother had Hepatitis C, which meant Kayleigh had a 1-5% chance of having it herself. We had to wait until she was 18 months old to administer the test.  I was about 7 months pregnant with Jaxon when the day came to take her in to be tested. Matt and I drove down to Children’s Hospital in Atlanta with our joyful little ball of energy one and a half year old.  I cried on the way there.  I cried walking into the building. I cried as they prepared her and stuck the needle in her arm.  But you know who did not cry at all - Kayleigh.  Toughest girl I ever knew.   

 

Then we had to wait for the results. We had been praying for 18 months for the results to be negative and were so hopeful that we were so close to the end of this scare. The results came in.  They were positive. 

 

Data from the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention shows the rate of Hepatitis C cases in 2011 for the age group of 0-19 years was 1 per 1,000,000 people. Our Kayleigh was one in a million. 

 

Hepatitis C itself had only been discovered about 20 years before Kayleigh was born, and there was very little information or studies in the medical world concerning it. There was considerable fear and uncertainty surrounding it. Being in the medical field, Matt had run a few calls on adults who had this disease in its later stages, and he had seen the terrible damage it can do to a body over time. We were terrified for our little girl. 

 

Our next step was to see a specialist.  There was only one doctor in the whole state of Georgia who dealt with such cases in children, so we quickly made an appointment with her.  She was kind and very knowledgeable, but all she had to offer us was this:

• We do not know how this will affect children, as no children have gotten it and grown old enough yet for us to see long-term effects.

• There is no vaccine or cure of any kind

• Right now, Kayleigh’s levels are high but not high enough to worry about liver damage yet.

• We will check Kayleigh’s levels yearly and hope they don’t rise.

We also had to get ourselves checked regularly to make sure we hadn't contracted the disease.  It was not possible to contract it from normal, everyday interactions, but if a boo-boo occurred and somehow her blood got in our system, there was a chance. That was another fear that always lived in the back of our minds. But we prayed and prayed for God to heal our little girl. And year after year, we took her back to get blood drawn to check her levels.  They continued to remain high, and only once throughout the years did they raise enough to raise concern, but praise God, there was no damage to her liver, and the following year, they were back down. We kept praying for healing. 

 

When she was 8 years old, we went in for our yearly check, and this time the doctor had some news for us.  There was a vaccine in the trial stages that had shown considerable success in curing adults.  The next year, she said that the drug was now being tested on teenagers.  She said she would try to get us into the trial when they were ready to give it to children under the age of 12. 

 

We kept praying for healing. 

 

At the age of ten, we took her for the annual visit, hoping to get news about the trial. We did not get to participate in the trial, but the doctor was confident that this vaccine would be our answer - one day. The next year, when she was 11 years old, the doctor said the drug was officially on the market for everyone ages 12 and up! Only one more year to go! 

 

We kept praying. 

 

The day came for us to take our 12-year-old for what we hoped would be our final visit to this doctor.  The doctor submitted the request to our insurance, and after a year-long wait for them to approve the treatment, she began the 6 weeks of medication. On April 24, 2022, we received the news that Kayleigh was completely cured. The virus was gone. The prayer we had been praying for 12 years was answered. 

 

Through this time, God took our fear and transformed it into stronger faith. Some of the lessons I learned then have helped me even now in our recent tragedy. God hears our prayers.  He is willing and able to answer them. The answer may not always look how we think it should or come as quickly as we’d like, but He IS faithful. In times like now, when it would be easiest to turn our backs on Him, be angry, or question Him, it helps to look back on these times and remember His goodness. 

 

I love stories in the Bible where God brought some sort of victory, and the people in the story set up pillars of rocks or altars where the victory occurred as a reminder of who He is and what He can do.  These three stories are pillars that continue to point me back to Him, and I am so grateful He provided them.